


Crack rock

by kkj



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Baby malachite au, Depression, Drug Abuse, Drug Use, F/F, Human AU, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Postpartum Psychosis, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-25
Updated: 2015-10-25
Packaged: 2018-04-28 04:13:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5077363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kkj/pseuds/kkj
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A one-shot to my other pieces /We're[Making] Malachite/ and  /Noise/. <br/>Story is set post /Noise/.<br/>Lapis is released from rehabilitation after the /incident/ and tries her best to cope with herself and what happened.<br/>Inspired by Frank Ocean's "Crack rock"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crack rock

**Author's Note:**

> I do apologize for any grammatical or spelling errors.  
> Please enjoy, kudos and comment
> 
> KKJ

It’s was coming up on the anniversary that would mark a year and a half since /the incident/.  
Lapis had been released from the hospital after six months of behavioral correction, not once during her rehabilitation had Jasper contacted her. She didn’t return her calls or write to her, she did not come to visitation, meaning that the now-again-brunette had not seen her daughter since the night /it/ happened. The only visitors Lapis had was Peridot, who stay for thirty minutes, once.

She beat herself every day she was confined in those loud white walls. Most days she would spend her days crying, rocking herself and apologizing to no one in particular. Others, she’d pace the floors ,rubbing her arms, before breaking out into screams that usually got her sedated and bond to her bed for such outbursts.The lithe woman would go days without eating or sleeping,she’d sit in the same spot and stare holes into the heavy door of her room.

Everything about her appearance screamed tired, from the redness in her eyes, the bags and dark circles underneath them, her long unkempt hair to her fingernails she’d nervously eaten off. Lapis truly felt remorse and she just wanted someone to hear her, she wanted someone to know that she was truly sorry, that she /did/ love her daughter and wife.She especially wanted Jasper to hear her, to know that she was telling the truth.

Since being released,Lapis had been staying with her friend Steven. A college student who was now attending the college that she, Peridot, and Jasper had all met and graduated from. Steven, rarely used his apartment. He hadn’t had the heart to turn down his parent’s gift to him, and he most definitely didn’t want to tell them that he actually lived with his girlfriend.The Universes had already known this and they were just as kind and generous as their son was, they usually bring her food, while their son was away, which Lapis was always gracious for. It felt nice to have someone worry about her well being again.

While staying with Steven, Lapis would be introduced to another reason why Jasper might not want to rekindle their relationship. Amethyst and Steven were close friends, she attended the same college they all did, sometimes, she seemed to always be over at Steven’s apartment too.  
Now it was no secret that the tiny Korean-Maori was the school dealer, she’d often try to peddle to Steven and Connie who both turned her down, but when she offered Lapis something that would ‘take her mind off of things’ the brunette obliged. She was at the point of just wanting to feel ‘okay’ or something close to it, she was willing to do anything to achieve that.

It happened on a Tuesday.

Amethyst had a key, and she’d let herself into the apartment. She kicked her tiny flip flops off and made her way over to the couch and coffee table with her backpack. Plopping down beside Lapis, who had her head on her knees that were pulled up to her chest, she grinned.

She tied her hair that had been down into a sloppy top knot, before seeming perfectly manicured hands rummaged her purple pack. With one hand she took out a stack of cash, with the other she took out a purple, rectangular tin and placed them both on the table. She rummaged for a second time and took out what seemed to be a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. Placing the light on her lap, she opened the cigarette box and tilted it almost upside down, she tapped it a few times before a pre-rolled blunt slipped out. She squeezed the box so that the other blunts held that one in place,and with her other hand she grabbed it and placed it between her lips. During all this movement, Lapis did not once look over to see what the other was doing, which cause the shorter of the two to shrug and continue what she was doing.

She lit the blunt between her lips and took a quick hit, before she took out her wallet from her jacket’s pocket. From the wallet she took out two of her credit cards and placed it back in her pocket. Amethyst sat the cards on her lap as she leaned to pick up the purple rectangular tin, popping it open with her thumbs, once it was open she held it in one hand and used the index and the thumb of the other to extract a small bag of white substance.

Her smirk grew allowing a cloud smoke to escape her mouth.

There was a circular mirror she left on the table for herself, she dumped the white substance onto the mirror and then picked up the two credit cards, with them she chopped and diced the substance for about three minutes, ensuring that it was a fine powder. Satisfied with it, she sat the cards aside and pick up her stack of cash. Shuffling through the stack she found a crisp, new one hundred dollar bill and rolled it up to be used.  
Placing the blunt in the ashtray that was also on the table, courtesy of Connie, she picked the mirror up with one hand, and with the other she leaned in and placed the makeshift straw at the beginning of one of the lines she’d created.  
Amethyst would take a deep breath before she drove the straw down the line, inhaling it. The tiny woman reeled back and rubbed her nose.

“Woo shit!”, she piped before putting the mirror and straw back down on the table, finally she turned her attention to Lapis, she ashed her blunt and picked it back up taking another hit.

“Yo Lauren. what’s with the long face? You’ve been a sad sack every since they let you out”, She cackled heartily.

Slowly , sapphire eyes rolled over until they were focused on the other, the owner of the eyes would not speak one word, she only looked.

Amethyst took that to mean that she was listening so she went on talking. “Lemme guess, you’re still in a rut because Jay won’t let you see the baby?”.

Her eyes darted away from hazels that seemed to be peering into her very soul.

“You gotta let it go, take your mind off of it, at least for awhile”, She licked her lips before smiling from ear to ear to expose her golds, carefully, a tiny acrylic nailed hand picked up the mirror, and wit the other she took the blunt from her mouth, stubbed it out and picked up the rolled one hundred.

“Do a line or two, I promise it’ll make you feel better”.

 

Better. Better was all Lapis truly heard. She was willing to do anything to get better. Better meant seeing her daughter and wife. Better meant normalcy.

Cautiously Lapis came undone,she stretched out her arms and legs, placing her feet on the ground, her hands would fold upon themselves and rest in her lap.

“If it helps…...”,her dry hoarse voice deadpanned. 

Amethyst continued to hold the mirror, but handed the rolled currency to Lapis, who accepted it. She sat there blankly staring at the lines on the mirror, before she swallowed the knot that was in her throat and put the straw to her nose, with one hand and used the index of the other to plug the nostril she wasn’t going to use.

Lapis placed the straw at the beginning of a line, she didn’t need instructions, she hadn’t done this before but it seemed self explanatory. Inhale the powder through the straw, feel better, or so she thought.

 

She sniffled several times, rubbed her nose and squeezed her eyes shut. Her face felt like it was one fire. Behind her eyes burned, the inside of her nose stung, nothing about this seemed pleasant at all, not until it started to kick in.

 

When it finally set in, a small smile found it’s way onto her lips. She wasn’t ready to stand and move around just yet, but not feeling the way she usually felt was amazing.

\----

A few months of using with the help of Amethyst, and she somehow found herself on the doorstep of what used to be her and Jasper’s condo. She played with hem of her over-sized shirt and stared down at her bare feet as she swallowed a lump in her throat, she was truly terrified of what was going to happen.

Lapis carried on standing there for awhile longer, before she rang the doorbell. She could hear a commotion behind the door,followed by little pitter patter of feet towards the door.  
Her heart which was already racing due to her feel good session with Amethyst seemed to skip a beat at hearing the tiny footsteps, just as she thought that was too much, she would hear her daughter’s voice.  
“Who is it?”,Malachite called in a sing-song tone, as she hopped up and down to try and unlock the door.

 

She covered her mouth and tried her best to contain herself, tears streamed down her cheeks and she began shaking, which she couldn't tell if that was from her /medicine/ or if it was sheer emotions.  
The brunette would stay as quiet as she could, letting out a whimper here and there as the little voice asked again for the person on the other side to identify themselves, after the third time, Lapis would have cleared her throat and answered in a wobbling voice.

“Mele Felice…..it’s Mommy”.

There is a pause, the seemed like a millennia to Lapis and then the little voice speaks again.

“Mommy?”, It was a question as to who is Mommy, but Lapis was sure she heard excitement in the little voice. This inquiry was one of someone who had missed another and was excited to see them.

Jasper who’d been standing behind Mele this whole time, grew a bit excited herself, her stomach knotted nervously as she reached for the door nod, With her other hand she unfastened all the locks on the door, cautiously she opens the door.

As soon as it’s opened, Lapis drops to her knees and extends her arms towards Malachite who runs into them giggling. She hugs the curly haired child close to her as she showers her face in kisses. After the umpteenth kiss, she pulls herself away so that she could get a look at her face properly.

Carefully, gently, Lapis cups her daughters face. She runs her thumbs over her chubby little cheeks and stares into beautiful hazel eyes, her own sapphire ones overflowing with joyous tears.

Tiny little hands come up to wipe at her eyes. Those beautiful hazels had been examining her all this time. Lapis would sniffle several times, she smelled something metallic yet thought nothing of it due to the fact that she was crying,so when Malachite spoke again it surprised her and broke her out of her trance.

“Mommy, you’re bleeding”, was mumbled out and Lapis immediately put her hand to her nose, she rubbed her nose on the back of her hand and sure enough there was a streak of blood. 

Immediately she stood up and covered her nose with both hands. Her heart was pounding loudly in her ears and she hand began panting. The brunette didn’t dare look at her wife, and she wouldn’t ask to enter the condo, just kind of stood there, panicking.  
During Malachite and Lapis’ interaction Jasper had only stood there and watched, she still had her suspicions about her wife, and rightfully so. She’d watch the other fidget and scratch, which seemed like a new behavior and when Lapis had a sporadic nosebleed, Jasper had seen enough.

She definitely knew the signs thanks to Amethyst, she’d never thought that Lapis would stoop so low, yet here she was.

Smoothly, Jasper would push their daughter behind herself as she pulled Lapis into the condo, closing the door behind her.

“Don’t touch her again….Mele go to your room”, She gently pushed the three year old in the direction of her room, which she went to without her usual protest. As soon as the door to her room closed, 

The larger of the two women glared at her wife before pulling her hands down away from her face to reveal her still bleeding nose.

“What are you thinking”, She hissed, trying her best to keep her anger in check. “How do you go away for one mental… behavioral issue.. and come back and start up another. Lapis do you not understand that you will go back to rehab and that you will stay there if you can’t get your shit together?...I.. who gave it to you?”, she demanded stomping her foot, she already knew the answer to her question but she wanted a verbal confession from Lapis.

The brunette in question could only shake her head and keep her eyes averted from her wife’s, She didn’t want to state the obvious, to admit that she’d been using. Her shoulders trembled and she brought her middle and ring finger to her mouth to chew on the nails, of those fingers as tears streamed down her face.

Jasper would place her hands on her hips and she would wait, wait for the other to speak. She wanted her to at least try to justify her actions.

Taking a deep shaking breath, Lapis takes her fingers from her mouth and begins to speak, yet her eyes still wouldn’t meet the amber ones that seemed to bore into.

“I..I just wanted to see you.. both of you again. I called you everyday, I wrote to you, I wrote to Mele. You didn’t have the decency to call me back or write to me or come to visitation when I had it! You kept our daughter away from me all this time, the little gift that I carried and gave birth to… Amethyst gave me something that she said would take the edge off of my miserable existence… and she’s right it did.. and it does. It sucks to be dependent on something like that, it’s embarrassing but you’ve been no help! I know what I did was wrong, but I did not do it on purpose. I was sick, and you never even noticed.. you are at fault. You let this happen! “, Lapis had completely switched from shying away from the other to hoarsely screaming at her.  
These feelings of hers that she had bottled up during her stay in rehabilitation were finally boiling over.

It was Jasper’s turn to feel incompetent. The large blonde stood there slack jawed as she was yelled at by her wife who was finally making eye contact with her. Fierce sapphires stared daggers at her.

“L-lapis, I didn’t want to bring our infant daughter to a loony bin, I didn’t have time to call or write to you, I just didn’t--”

“Loony bin! I’m not fucking crazy,don’t call it that!”, She shoved her wife with all the strength she could muster, which was much and only cause Jasper to lean away from her at most.

“Calm down Lapis, you’re home now, you don’t have to be there anymore unless you start exuding odd behavior, and then right back there you go. You’re better, they wouldn’t have released you if you weren’t”, Jasper took both of her wife’s hands that were balled into fist and held at chest level, she brought them up to her lips and kissed her knuckles. 

As soon as she could kiss her olive skin, Lapis snatched her hands away and clenched them into fists again.

“D-don’t! Don’t fucking act as though you care for me. You’re watching me and have been watching me since the moment I showed up, you’re itching for a reason to not trust me around my own child!”, Her accusation was not incorrect but Jasper did not and refused to confirm it’s authenticity. 

“Lapis, I’m just worried”, Was all she said in response, giving a heavy defeated sigh.

Jasper rubbed at the back of her neck as she and Lapis stood there in an awkward heavy silence. Nothing was said they didn’t even make eye contact any longer.  
Lapis would stand there for awhile longer before she walked to the living room to sit on the couch.  
Legs pulled up to her chest, head resting on her knees.

“Me too”, was all she murmured back.


End file.
